


Dream You || Up10tion

by jun_hui



Category: UP10TION
Genre: I miss him so much, I'm crying, Light Angst, References to Depression, break - Freeform, wooshin's break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 02:37:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13603782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jun_hui/pseuds/jun_hui
Summary: They say time healsBut it surely doesn't feel like it





	Dream You || Up10tion

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy this short piece of trash I wrote at 3 a.m. while crying my eyes out at how much I miss him.
> 
> I've just been thinking about Wooshin so much lately I had to get these feelings out.
> 
> Edit: y'all he's back I'm crying omggg

**i.**

 

 

_It's only been a couple of days since we broke up_  
_But I can see you even clearer_  
_As if you're right next to me_

 

 

Wooshin sat up on his bed, in his house, with his parents. It was 2:30 a.m. and he can't sleep again. He kept thinking he was with the other guys, and that they had a schedule to prepare for. 

 

 

 _How can I forget you? How can I erase you?_  
_After tonight, it feels like you'll come back and smile  
_ _It's that kind of night_

 

 

Coincidentally Jinhoo was also not sleeping, just a couple of miles away on the same dark night. He would never admit it, but his thoughts were restless.  Searching for something, someone in his cold, lonely room.

He looked over at the other, perfectly made bed. And let his thoughts wander off again.

 

 

**ii.**

 

 

_The sky is so blue today, it's making things harder_  
_All sorts of memories with you_  
_Beautiful recollections torture me_  
_It's harder today_

 

 

When they had to practice for Runner a couple days later, Bitto was completely out of it. He snapped at every little detail they missed and stormed out of the room when Minsoo bit back at him for missing a step himself. 

The practice room felt different, even though everything was still the exact same. It felt cold and tense. Maybe it was only because it was missing one more smiling face.

 

 

_I'm sure you're doing well_  
_I'm sure you forgot everything_  
_But I'm still trapped in that time_  
_I know, I'm regretting this too late_  
_Tears fall without knowing_

 

 

A whole month has passed since Wooshin moved out of the dorm. He told them not to call or text him, said it would only hurt him (and them) more. Sunyoul has been staring at his reflection on his mobile phone for a while now.

Contemplating whether it would be worth it to hurt himself even more. His eyes start tearing up, Sunyoul closes them and takes a deep breath. He has cried enough already, he says to himself. 

 

 

**iii.**

 

 

_The clock ticking gets louder and I can't fall asleep_  
_You torture me_  
_I try laying on my stomach, I try closing my eyes_  
_But you keep appearing, I think I've gone crazy_

 

 

Hwanhee shoots up from his bed. Shaky breathes fill the room as he looks at Xiao beside him, he was still sleeping. He notices the dried up tears on his cheeks and on the gray pillow beneath his head. 

Turning away, Hwanhee remembers his dream.

He had just managed to fall asleep at 3 a.m. But the moment he closed his eyes, He seemed to regret ever trying to sleep. 

He had found Wooshin in the bathroom, dark red against pale white.

 

 

_I knew this would happen_  
_I regret it, I should've held onto you_  
_I try to turn things back, I try_  
_But I know it's too late now_

 

 

The nine boys were walking around the waiting room, waiting for their turn to perform their new song Going Crazy. Kogyeol noticed Jinhoo counting them. He went up to nine and was looking around, counting once more. Then, he went silent as he realised and looked at his hands.

Kogyeol now hates the number nine more than anything in the world. He should've protected him more,  when he had noticed something was wrong. 

He hates the fact that when they do their cheer a while later, that they leave out a certain name, and just pretend that nothing is wrong.

 

 

**iv.**

 

 

_I try to draw you out but you keep fading_  
_Your beautiful eyes, nose, lips, face_  
_Slowly, I'm forgetting them_

 

 

Gyujin was laying in his bed, it was almost time to sleep. As usual, he was looking at the fancafe, reading the letters Honey10 wrote for them. Normally he would only read the ones addressed to him or Up10tion. But lately he has found himself clicking on the ones addressed to Wooshin. 

He tried to reaffirm himself. He had to confirm that Wooshin was still in fact there, still in Up10tion.

He looks at the pictures the fans uploaded of him smiling, and tries to engrave it into his mind. Who knows if he'll ever see it again in real life.

 

 

**v.**

 

 

 _I don't know myself, in dream_  
I keep dreaming of you  
_I thought I wouldn't be able to live an hour without you_

 

 

Without even knowing, six months have passed. To Wooshin, it felt like a minute. Most of his days were spent sleeping or watching tv, hoping for his thoughts to go away so he could just return to where he belongs.

 

 

**vi.**

 

 

_With the same words, same thoughts_  
_I've changed so cold_  
_We've grown so far, we can't even reach_  
_It's the same between us_

 

 

Xiao stopped caring. In the beginning he was always crying, always thinking.  Now, whenever he thinks about him, he urges the thought to go away. 

The last time he had heard from Wooshin was four months ago. He said not to worry, that he was fine and he would be back before they knew it.

Nowadays Xiao often finds himself going out alone at midnight, with a mask and cap covering his identity. He finds himself drinking more and more.  _Where did I go wrong?_

 

 

**vii.**

 

 

_I try to hold onto it stronger_  
_But the dream gets farther away_  
_I know I can't turn things back but I can't let it go_

 

 

Wooshin sits in front of the psychologist, staring blankly at the white wall behind the man who forbade him from seeing his bandmates. 

He went to this appointment hoping for a ' _You're all better, you can join the group again_ 'but instead he got a ' _You are still depressed, are you sure you're taking your medication? '_

 

 

**viii.**

 

 

_I guess you're doing well, I see your SNS_  
_Seems like you'll be alright_  
_Even without me_  
_These days, I smile like a fool, in case someone sees_  
_I smile in case people around me talk badly about you_

 

 

After turning on a Vlive with Kogyeol, Wei let him take the camera and went to sit in the back. Suddenly, Wooshin came into his mind. The last time they were in Tokyo, He and Wei had been roommates. 

Grabbing his phone in his hand, he looked at the comments. People had noticed his face had dropped. So he smiled and laughed at something Kogyeol had said, over exaggerating.

If he just keeps laughing, everything will hurt a lot less. Or at least that's what everyone always says.

 

 

_It hurts because your empty spot is so big_  
_I can't fill it up, whatever I do_  
_If you give me one more chance_  
_I would never let you go, never_

 

 

Kuhn looked at the audience of Japanese Honey10's. They had just finished a performance Feel So Right. Even when they were practicing it a month ago, he could still see the tired, blank faces of the other members as they sang about being happy.

Kuhn looked to his members as they automatically went to their assigned places. Between Jinhoo and Bitto there was a slightly bigger gap than normal. Whether it was intentional or not, he didn't know.

He saw that a couple of fans at the back saw it too, they hung their heads and were looking at their feet. Grim expressions on their faces.

 

 

**ix.**

 

 

_I'm waiting for you, I'm believing you_  
_I'm sure you'll think of me once, I'm sure you'll find me too_  
_Just like you come to me in my dreams every night_

 

 

Wooshin lied wide awake on his bed.  Today was easier than normal. It was also a huge relief to his parents to see him smile again. 

He went to the mall today and bought himself a bracelet, with  _promise_ engraved on it. He hung around with his friends from high school. They went to eat at McDonalds together.

He was finally happy again, and he knew that his dream wasn't far away anymore.

 

 

**x.**

 

 

_Baby I'm missing you_  
_Falling in love with you_  
_You can come back whenever_  
_To me, who is waiting_

 

 

The members of Up10tion lied wide awake on their beds. Today was easier than normal. Just before they went to bed, Jinhoo had called them all into the living room.

Then, for the first time since June 6th 2017 they had a talk together.

They called Wooshin and had a heart to heart. There were a lot more tears and apologies than Jinhoo had expected, but he was happy to have hope again.

 

 

_For me, only you_  
_For me, it's only you_  
_I want to see you just once more,_  
_Your smiling face_


End file.
